I love my bedroom. I love my bed. I like sleep - a lot - when I have time for it. Usually I think of my little upstairs flat as a sanctuary of sorts - I try not to do my homework in it too much, because I don't like to have "relaxation" in the same spot as "work," you know? My room smells good, thanks to the fabulous candles I've collected from the clearance sales over the past year, and I love the set up and the coziness of it.
Which is why my newfound aversion of my room is really crazy. But it make sense... to me, at least...!
I had a terrible nightmare last week. I have very vivid dreams - when I remember my dreams, which isn't all that often - and this one was certainly one for the record books. I can remember a handful of dreams I've had over my lifetime, but usually I forget them within a couple days. Not this one. I cannot get the images out of my mind.
But it wasn't just the crazy imagination. It was combined with some weird noises in the attic part of the room by my bed (a family of some sort of animals, perhaps?), and a drafty breeze that kept blowing things around in my room (creeeeeepy!). I don't know... it seems ridiculous to jump to crazy conclusions, and I want to be realistic about it, but it was seriously, seriously disturbing. I mean, SERIOUSLY. And I couldn't help but wonder... was this JUST a dream? Or was there something else going on here?
I think far too often I tend to lean toward the apathetic position of "Oh, that's right, we're in a spiritual battle... but... man, what am I going to eat for lunch? And how am I going to get all this stuff on my to-do list done? And I need to fill my car with gas, and I should take a shower at some point today..." I just do NOT have enough of a perception of what might be going on around me spiritually, I think. Granted, the dream might have been just that: it might have been simply a combination of stress and a cold draft in my room and too much caffeine or something, I don't know, but what if it wasn't?
Usually I think of people experiencing spiritual challenges when something GOOD is happening in their life that our enemy wants to thwart. I was trying to figure out what, if anything, has recently developed in my life that might contribute to it. I didn't come to any big conclusions. I mean, I'm not going to Vancouver every day, and honestly, being "stuck" in this general community has always seemed kind of "dark" to me, but... is that really significant? And I guess I am interacting with a whole new group of people every day in the form of my students and other teachers, etc, but I honestly haven't had any weird vibes from any of them... So what the heck would it be? I don't know.
I don't know that my crazy dream was anything. What I do know is that it really, really scared me. And I didn't sleep well at all that night, and then avoided sleeping in my room for a couple nights after that, simply because I didn't want to repeat the dream. It seems so silly by the light of day - I'm an adult! Why is the story and images that happened in my sleep even affecting me this much?! But dude, I kid you not, it was not a cool experience! And I have a great imagination... which is definitely bad sometimes...
I'm trying to be brave about it - I did sleep in my bed last night, and I'm heading that direction here shortly - but I'm also trying to use this as a reminder that, even if this wasn't anything significant, I do want to be more aware of purposefully fighting in this spiritual battle. After all, if I forget that I'm in it, and am generally not contributing one way or the other toward either side, isn't that hindering MY side and helping the other side? That's not what I want my legacy in heaven to be!
So, my goal is more purposeful praying and trying to be in tune with what is happening around me! Essentially, I just desire to live up to the meaning of my middle name - Warrior Maiden - and do some damage in the enemy's camp... Whether it means more nights of scary nightmares or not.
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