I have been cleaning the home of a lady in our church for six years. Every other week I show up at her house and sweep, mop, clean the bathroom, vacuum, dust, change sheets, and do any other odd jobs she asks me to do. I actually enjoy doing housework... when it isn't at MY house! I like having something to keep my hands busy, and I like having the time to listen to music or think.
Today when I went to clean, she wasn't home... This isn't unusual, as she doesn't drive anymore and sometimes the only time she can get into town is when someone comes to give her a ride. She showed me where the key is a long time ago, so she just leaves my money and a note.
I was thinking today while I was vacuuming. And, before I explain what I was thinking, you might want to know that I do have a ridiculous fear of vacuum machines... I don't really know why, maybe the loud noise or maybe the fact that ours used to run over my toes (yes, IT did it, I had NOTHING to do with it!!! Our machine has a mind of its own!!!), but whatever the cause, I generally don't like the little buggers too much. OK, well, maybe "fear" isn't the right word, but yeah, you get the picture!
I have been taking developmental psychology as one of my classes this quarter, and I really enjoy it, for the most part! Sometimes parts of it become a drag... but for the msot part, it really isn't bad! Anyhow, we've been talking about identity and how a person forms their identity and all that kind of stuff.
So while I was pushing the vacuum around, I realized something that - for me, at least - is significant. And, of course, I don't know EVERYTHING out there, in fact, the vast majority if things there are to know I probably haven't even heard of, much less given a little thought to! But, I have been learning, and that, for me, is a good thing!
Anyhow, so, my revelation.... I was trying to summarize to myself who I am (have you noticed how popular this question is? It seems like there are always songs being written about it!). And I started in on the thought "I'm a daughter, a sister, a friend..." etc... But then I realized, NO, that isn't true! See, one thing I've learned in developmental psych is how, as a person develops, they tend to progress from a subjective understanding of the world to an objective understanding of the world... And this is broken down into various stages, so a person is continually going from subject to objective in a stage, then progressing to the next stage and starting over at subjective. Anyhow, I've always thought of myself as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, whatever... But that is inaccurate, I think. Why? Because that is describing PART of me, but not ALL of me! Rather than BEING a friend, I HAVE friendships. Those friendships are relational to me, but they don't define me. Rather than existing solely as a daughter, I have parent, and they have a daughter, but, again, that is just one role I play. The same with being a student... I have classes I attend, and I have a lesson to learn, but those classes and those lessons aren't the complete picture.
Does this make ANY sense?! It is starting to for me, but this whole blog originated in my head, so therefore I don't think I can expect you to completely understand me... which brings me to another thing I was thinking about.
If one thing is clear in developmental psych it is that not everybody is on the same level developmental wise. I know this... in my head, but it isn't APPLIED knowledge for me, really. Because I construct my understanding of the world through MY experiences, I tend to assume that everyone else will automatically know where I'm coming from, since it is the only way I've ever known for looking at the world. But that just isn't the case! Everyone has their own history and experience that is influencing their understanding of the world. Therefore, it's gonna make sense that we don't always understand each other all the time!
OK, another thought I had. As I as trying to find the words to define myself, I realize that I can't. Now, for you brilliant people out there, you probably already know that! I'm not sure there is really enough words out there TO define someone completely accurately, AND, on top of that, most people are still discovering new things about themselves or about the world around them, and as they do that, they end of broadening themselves and growing. So who they were awhile ago may not even be who they are today.
So here's my hypothesis: I think that maybe the reason we can't explain ourselves is because we didn't make ourselves. Huh? Hear me out.... I think most people, whether they acknowledge it or not, realize that they are made up of MORE than simply their body. We possess both a soul AND a spirit, besides our bodies. And, in all truth, our bodies are really more just the shell we inhabit. The real "me" is not even truly tangible. I think our understanding of oursleves is probably limited.... because that's the way God intended it to be! I think the ONLY being who TRULY unerstands us is God, because he CREATED us. Does that make sense? I'm not the artist, here. I'm not the author of the poem that can say "this is what I was writing about..." I AM the poem, I AM the creation, and I don't know what it is all about!
So here's another random thought.... I believe that in Heaven we are going to spend eternity learning more about God. He's SO huge and SO massive that we'll NEVER really be able to say "OK, now I know all about God"... it just won't happen. AND, (I may be WAY off on this... but it was a thought!) I think we might spend eternity, or at least the first part of it, learning about ourselves too. Not the sinful association we have, I'm sure, since there won't be sin in heaven, but the Bible does say that we are made in God's image.... and God's image is pretty complicated... so maybe part of what we will worship God about is coming to finally understand ourselves and his design in us. I'd like to believe that somehow we will become objective to even ourselves.
So wait, let me rephrase that. Right now, where we are on earth today, our development is progressing from I AM a relationship or a role to I HAVE this relationship or role.... But, try as we might, we are never going to become objective to ourselves. We're still going to be enshrouded in ourselves. But maybe in heaven, we will have a better understanding of things and actually be able to be objective towards ourselves. Maybe we''ll actually be able to see ourselves as God sees us. Hmmm, I wonder if that is part of who God is? God is able to be objective with himself. Afterall, he (God) was able to stand in objectiveness when he (God) came to earth to be the sacrifice for our sins....
Alrighty, I think I'm done with my ranting and pondering for a bit... A short bit, at least! No wonder I wear myself out sometimes... with trying to figure out that kind of stuff it just might be reasonable! Take care!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Snow pictures!
Oh, and here's some picts from the snow photo shoot!
Naturally occuring popsicles!
"Illumination"
"Is that SNOW I see?"
I'd just thrown a snowball.....
Naturally occuring popsicles!
"Illumination"
"Is that SNOW I see?"
I'd just thrown a snowball.....
Adventures.... In the Snow!
Well, actually I don't have a lot of adventures to relate... I just couldn't think of a better title! It snowed here Sunday night/Monday morning... It's pretty fun! I drove my little 2 door sports car into class Monday morning, but traded it for the pickup after it had been snowing all day. That's what I've continued to drive since then. I did skip my early morning class on Tuesday (well, 9AM, so not THAT early!), because a) it was icy, b) I had a lot of homework to get done, c) we were watching a movie, so I didn't think it would be tragic if I didn't make it, and d) I hadn't gotten home until almost 1AM the night before, cuz I was working on Operation: Surprise (which is going well, FYI!). So yeah, I got up and worked on homework Tuesday morning, and took a 20 minute nap, before going in to my 11AM lab.
Heather and I went outside and took pictures yesterday in the snow (thus the new profile pic). It was sunny and COLD. I threw a couple snowballs, and my arms ached clear up past my elbow from the cold temps... Is that the blood being cooled and transported up the arm, or what?
I pulled out my Mom's old snow boots yesterday to wear to class. She had them when she was in college... I'd never thought about it, but that was when she was my age! Wow, weird thought!
Speaking of age and time passing, this year has seemed SO weird! I cancelled the Research Paper class I teach on Monday, cuz I didn't want to be - or have my students - out driving on the freeway and stuff. It seems almost unreal to me that only a year ago I cancelled the British Lit class I was teaching for the same reason (snow storm)... could it ONLY have been a year?! I don't feel, like, significantly older or wiser or anything, but it just seems SO long ago, and almost disconnected from my life now. It isn't, cuz I've got some of the same students, I'm attending the same school, I'm living in the same house, wearing the same clothes, friends with the same people.... it just seems like so much has happened since then. No huge changes, but lots of events. Like I said, I don't even feel a ton more mature or anything, maybe I am, and I don't realize it, or maybe I just reached a maturing plateau... I dunno. Odd, at any rate! How time flies!
I love snow, did you know that? I don't like being cold, really, and I certainly hate rain, but I LOVE changes.... wearing new clothes, changing the furniture arrangement in our living room, new books, new classes, new places, and of course, different weather. I mean, granted, it takes me a LOT longer to get tired of sun (years, perhaps!) than rain, but having the snow is nice. It makes everything bright and white and clean feeling. And it somehow seems to soften the landscape into fluffy white blankets. I like how it sounds hen you walk across it, too. That subtle squeeking/crunchh sound.
I went out to get wood last night at midnight (I'd been procrastinating!), and it was about 23 degrees. The pickup was parked down by the woodshed, by my grandparent's house, which is about a 5 minute walk away. So I walked down the hill and loaded 2 wheelbarrow loads into the bed of the pickup. I felt decidedly pioneer-ish, wrapped in 2 scarves and boots and layers of shirts and sweatshirts and coats and gloves. It was SO cold (well, for me, at least!), and I was out collecting wood at midnight so the fire wouldn't go out overnight. I actually loved it! I think I could totally dig living in a cabin in the mountains for awhile... having the trees, the snow, the woodfires, the walks through the silent wood where the snow muffles every sound... I could buy snowshoes and cross country skies, and use them for exercise! Hmmm.... I'd want a loft open to the main floor. Probably one bedroom, under the loft... unless the loft was the bedroom... and a kitchen (with stainless steel counters that I could use as a cutting board!), couches and chairs and a rocking chair for sure in the living room, with a fireplace, of course... A dining room table, naturally, oh, maybe another room with a library (I LOVE books!) and a desk and lots of paper... or a computer! I wonder if I would ever get cabin fever? Probably, but then I'd just climb into my big honkin' truck with chains on it to drive into town to socialize or something. I don't know if I could do it all my life, but it is a thought! Oh, I'd want a lake nearby too.
K, I think that's about all for now... I'm going to read my developmental psych homework, and daydream about my cabin in the woods... :-)
Heather and I went outside and took pictures yesterday in the snow (thus the new profile pic). It was sunny and COLD. I threw a couple snowballs, and my arms ached clear up past my elbow from the cold temps... Is that the blood being cooled and transported up the arm, or what?
I pulled out my Mom's old snow boots yesterday to wear to class. She had them when she was in college... I'd never thought about it, but that was when she was my age! Wow, weird thought!
Speaking of age and time passing, this year has seemed SO weird! I cancelled the Research Paper class I teach on Monday, cuz I didn't want to be - or have my students - out driving on the freeway and stuff. It seems almost unreal to me that only a year ago I cancelled the British Lit class I was teaching for the same reason (snow storm)... could it ONLY have been a year?! I don't feel, like, significantly older or wiser or anything, but it just seems SO long ago, and almost disconnected from my life now. It isn't, cuz I've got some of the same students, I'm attending the same school, I'm living in the same house, wearing the same clothes, friends with the same people.... it just seems like so much has happened since then. No huge changes, but lots of events. Like I said, I don't even feel a ton more mature or anything, maybe I am, and I don't realize it, or maybe I just reached a maturing plateau... I dunno. Odd, at any rate! How time flies!
I love snow, did you know that? I don't like being cold, really, and I certainly hate rain, but I LOVE changes.... wearing new clothes, changing the furniture arrangement in our living room, new books, new classes, new places, and of course, different weather. I mean, granted, it takes me a LOT longer to get tired of sun (years, perhaps!) than rain, but having the snow is nice. It makes everything bright and white and clean feeling. And it somehow seems to soften the landscape into fluffy white blankets. I like how it sounds hen you walk across it, too. That subtle squeeking/crunchh sound.
I went out to get wood last night at midnight (I'd been procrastinating!), and it was about 23 degrees. The pickup was parked down by the woodshed, by my grandparent's house, which is about a 5 minute walk away. So I walked down the hill and loaded 2 wheelbarrow loads into the bed of the pickup. I felt decidedly pioneer-ish, wrapped in 2 scarves and boots and layers of shirts and sweatshirts and coats and gloves. It was SO cold (well, for me, at least!), and I was out collecting wood at midnight so the fire wouldn't go out overnight. I actually loved it! I think I could totally dig living in a cabin in the mountains for awhile... having the trees, the snow, the woodfires, the walks through the silent wood where the snow muffles every sound... I could buy snowshoes and cross country skies, and use them for exercise! Hmmm.... I'd want a loft open to the main floor. Probably one bedroom, under the loft... unless the loft was the bedroom... and a kitchen (with stainless steel counters that I could use as a cutting board!), couches and chairs and a rocking chair for sure in the living room, with a fireplace, of course... A dining room table, naturally, oh, maybe another room with a library (I LOVE books!) and a desk and lots of paper... or a computer! I wonder if I would ever get cabin fever? Probably, but then I'd just climb into my big honkin' truck with chains on it to drive into town to socialize or something. I don't know if I could do it all my life, but it is a thought! Oh, I'd want a lake nearby too.
K, I think that's about all for now... I'm going to read my developmental psych homework, and daydream about my cabin in the woods... :-)
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Scars
I have a scar on my left wrist. It is about an inch long. I got it playing soccer when the gal I was going up to challenge dug her fingernail into my wrist.
I have another scar on my middle finger on my left hand. It is about half an inch long, and I got it while completing a housecleaning job.
I have yet another scar on my left ankle, right on the bone. I had a little accident with a really sharp razor this summer!
There is also a scar about 2 inches long on my right thigh, from where I ran into some coral swimming behind our house in Hawaii. It bled and bled, and I thought for sure sharks were going to come hunt me down!
I've got scars on my knees from several falls. One was when I was 6 or 7, and racing Megan and Heather. My left knee got pretty beat up when I slipped on dust and fell. I have scars and a lump on my right knee from when I was running after dark one night here on the farm when I was about 11. It was the middle of summer, and rather late, but I'd wanted to get a run in. I tripped on a big rock in a dry puddle and fell and scraped my hands and knees. My knee was swollen for several days!
I have a scar on my left hip and left elbow from when I was riding my bike over to my grandma's house several summers ago, and I slipped off the edge of the blacktop. I tried to turn back onto the blacktop, but it was too high of a ledge, so I went flying off to the left of my bike, skidding out into the middle of the road on my hip and elbow. It was very painful!
I also have two round scars right on my spinal chord on my lower back. When I went to a soccer camp the summer before my freshman year, we had to do sit ups on a gymn floor, and somehow rubbed the first layer of skin off my vertebrae.
I obviously have lots of scars... But I happen to like them! As I've just relayed to you, each one has a story connected to it. I don't understand why people try to hide their scars sometimes. Each scar is a piece of your past, your history. And if there is one thing that I think I'm beginning to learn, it is that without an idea of who we are and what our history is, it's awfully hard to face the future and who you might be.... I think there needs to be a balance there.
Another kind of scar isn't so obvious.... I think most people have physical scars, but I think everyone has at least a little bit of emotional scar tissue too. Whether it is from a parent relationship or friends or lovers, sometimes even absolute strangers... because we are relationshal beings, we run the risk of getting cut up from those relationships. But strangely enough, I read once that scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue... So even those the scars make a mark, they also make us stronger. And, the interesting thing about the mark scars make is that they are each unique. So as you collect scars, you're actually becoming stronger and more individual. I'm at a place in my life were I want to gain strength and understand who I am as my own person... Although the scars hurt, I'm also kind of pleased with them. For me, they symbolize that I am gaining experience, hopefully wisdom too, and developing my unique person!
OK, those are my thoughts on scars!
I have another scar on my middle finger on my left hand. It is about half an inch long, and I got it while completing a housecleaning job.
I have yet another scar on my left ankle, right on the bone. I had a little accident with a really sharp razor this summer!
There is also a scar about 2 inches long on my right thigh, from where I ran into some coral swimming behind our house in Hawaii. It bled and bled, and I thought for sure sharks were going to come hunt me down!
I've got scars on my knees from several falls. One was when I was 6 or 7, and racing Megan and Heather. My left knee got pretty beat up when I slipped on dust and fell. I have scars and a lump on my right knee from when I was running after dark one night here on the farm when I was about 11. It was the middle of summer, and rather late, but I'd wanted to get a run in. I tripped on a big rock in a dry puddle and fell and scraped my hands and knees. My knee was swollen for several days!
I have a scar on my left hip and left elbow from when I was riding my bike over to my grandma's house several summers ago, and I slipped off the edge of the blacktop. I tried to turn back onto the blacktop, but it was too high of a ledge, so I went flying off to the left of my bike, skidding out into the middle of the road on my hip and elbow. It was very painful!
I also have two round scars right on my spinal chord on my lower back. When I went to a soccer camp the summer before my freshman year, we had to do sit ups on a gymn floor, and somehow rubbed the first layer of skin off my vertebrae.
I obviously have lots of scars... But I happen to like them! As I've just relayed to you, each one has a story connected to it. I don't understand why people try to hide their scars sometimes. Each scar is a piece of your past, your history. And if there is one thing that I think I'm beginning to learn, it is that without an idea of who we are and what our history is, it's awfully hard to face the future and who you might be.... I think there needs to be a balance there.
Another kind of scar isn't so obvious.... I think most people have physical scars, but I think everyone has at least a little bit of emotional scar tissue too. Whether it is from a parent relationship or friends or lovers, sometimes even absolute strangers... because we are relationshal beings, we run the risk of getting cut up from those relationships. But strangely enough, I read once that scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue... So even those the scars make a mark, they also make us stronger. And, the interesting thing about the mark scars make is that they are each unique. So as you collect scars, you're actually becoming stronger and more individual. I'm at a place in my life were I want to gain strength and understand who I am as my own person... Although the scars hurt, I'm also kind of pleased with them. For me, they symbolize that I am gaining experience, hopefully wisdom too, and developing my unique person!
OK, those are my thoughts on scars!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Family dinners....
I'm sitting in my favorite corner of the living room, my typical location for being on my laptop. It's a bit chilly here in the house, so I appreciate having the warm computer on my lap.
The chatter of kids fills the house, my cousins are staying with us for the weekend. Max has enjoyed having another guy in the house with him, and I appreciated Kerissa's help peeling potatoes today.... We peeled a LOT of potatoes for the family dinner.
I was dreading it, I'll be honest! I love my family, but I can also be a recluse, and sometimes just dealing with my immediate family drives me crazy (or to hit the pavement with my running shoes, at least!), and the thought of being with a huge crowd all afternoon and evening didn't sound too appealing... But, you know what? I had a blast! I got to talk with cousins that I haven't seen in years, and they have always been enjoyable to visit with. We talked about what has happened in our lives in the past several years, what our plans are for the next couple years, and where we'd like to travel too (They're fans of Cali, and want to visit Egypt and Morocco too! I KNEW I liked them!).
I felt like I was tripping over people wherever I went, but then I started on the dishes, and only a few people want to hang out with me at that point! So Charlie and Andrea washed and dried all the dishes, and I took care of all the leftover food and cleaning up the tables and stuff. Isn't it great how usually mundane and totally un-fun things can actually be enjoyable when doing them with people you like to be with? And talking helps time pass so much faster, too!
Several times today, I found myself taking a break from talking with people, and having a moment to reflect. Rather than rushing from conversation to conversation, I wanted to process some of how I was feeling, hopefully to document those emotions so I can pull them out and enjoy them again at another time. I don't know where I'm gonna be in a year, and there is a good chance that I won't be here for Thanksgiving... and possibly not Christmas either! Even though that seems a little odd, and I'm sure I'd miss being around the familial chaos, I also can't deny being a little excited. Getting the chance to feel like I have a choice about how to spend my holidays sounds appealing. And, the fact that I might be along the Nile river or something doesn't sound half bad either!
It's crazy, and at times I have been scared by the speed that times seems to pass at... I know that 18 isn't really that old, I'm barely an adult, for crying out loud, and I can't rent a car! But somehow, it just feels... right, at the moment. I feel like I'm facing things that I'm prepared to face, I'm living the life that God has planned for me, I've experienced the things that I need to have experienced in order to know that my God is in control and he is faithful to direct my steps. Even when I don't understand things, I have learned (for now, at least!!! Until I relapse!) to rest peacefully with the way things are. Even when I don't WANT to, sometimes your hands are tied concerning how much you can do to change circumstances, so I've learned to let things be that I can't change. Well, some things, at least! Others I still am picking away at, like a scab that I won't let heal, but the MAIN issues in my life, the ones that can seem to overwhelm me, I realize I can't control. I can control my attitude about them, but I can't change circumstances or other people, so I need to DO what I CAN do, and not fret over the things that aren't in my power to change.
Whew, it's only 10PM, and I'm exhausted... so I think I shall retire. Happy Thanksgiving!
The chatter of kids fills the house, my cousins are staying with us for the weekend. Max has enjoyed having another guy in the house with him, and I appreciated Kerissa's help peeling potatoes today.... We peeled a LOT of potatoes for the family dinner.
I was dreading it, I'll be honest! I love my family, but I can also be a recluse, and sometimes just dealing with my immediate family drives me crazy (or to hit the pavement with my running shoes, at least!), and the thought of being with a huge crowd all afternoon and evening didn't sound too appealing... But, you know what? I had a blast! I got to talk with cousins that I haven't seen in years, and they have always been enjoyable to visit with. We talked about what has happened in our lives in the past several years, what our plans are for the next couple years, and where we'd like to travel too (They're fans of Cali, and want to visit Egypt and Morocco too! I KNEW I liked them!).
I felt like I was tripping over people wherever I went, but then I started on the dishes, and only a few people want to hang out with me at that point! So Charlie and Andrea washed and dried all the dishes, and I took care of all the leftover food and cleaning up the tables and stuff. Isn't it great how usually mundane and totally un-fun things can actually be enjoyable when doing them with people you like to be with? And talking helps time pass so much faster, too!
Several times today, I found myself taking a break from talking with people, and having a moment to reflect. Rather than rushing from conversation to conversation, I wanted to process some of how I was feeling, hopefully to document those emotions so I can pull them out and enjoy them again at another time. I don't know where I'm gonna be in a year, and there is a good chance that I won't be here for Thanksgiving... and possibly not Christmas either! Even though that seems a little odd, and I'm sure I'd miss being around the familial chaos, I also can't deny being a little excited. Getting the chance to feel like I have a choice about how to spend my holidays sounds appealing. And, the fact that I might be along the Nile river or something doesn't sound half bad either!
It's crazy, and at times I have been scared by the speed that times seems to pass at... I know that 18 isn't really that old, I'm barely an adult, for crying out loud, and I can't rent a car! But somehow, it just feels... right, at the moment. I feel like I'm facing things that I'm prepared to face, I'm living the life that God has planned for me, I've experienced the things that I need to have experienced in order to know that my God is in control and he is faithful to direct my steps. Even when I don't understand things, I have learned (for now, at least!!! Until I relapse!) to rest peacefully with the way things are. Even when I don't WANT to, sometimes your hands are tied concerning how much you can do to change circumstances, so I've learned to let things be that I can't change. Well, some things, at least! Others I still am picking away at, like a scab that I won't let heal, but the MAIN issues in my life, the ones that can seem to overwhelm me, I realize I can't control. I can control my attitude about them, but I can't change circumstances or other people, so I need to DO what I CAN do, and not fret over the things that aren't in my power to change.
Whew, it's only 10PM, and I'm exhausted... so I think I shall retire. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Tuesday....
Hmmm, if this thing wasn't being posted on the internet were anyone could read it, I'd write about everything I'd like to put into writing so I can at least get these thoughts out of my head and onto some surface in order to view them with a little more perspective.... but since I don't exactly want everyone I know to read it, I won't! Isn't it funny... I honestly wouldn't care if people who I don't know me read about the intimate details of my life, but it's the people that do know me I can't be completely honest and vulnerable too... Ironic, perhaps!
School was relatively uneventful... I do love being on a campus where I recognize faces. I saw several teachers and fellow students in my short jaunt across campus between classes. I will definitely miss being in this place that seems so "at home" for me. Part of me is sad to be finishing so soon... I don't feel like it could be over 2 years since I started here!!!
I was in a baking mood today. I made rice pudding using left over rice from last night's midnight dinner for Dad. Then I made more rice for Dad's lunch, then I decided I'd make cinnamin rolls. I finished a couple little odd homework things, responded to some emails, fielded some phone calls, called an airline and changed a ticket around. Then I went running, and I LOVE the way I feel after running! Runner's high... yeah, it is definitely true! It was dark and cold, but still felt good.
Bible Study was tonight. I really enjoy the Tuesday night Bible Study. On Sunday mornings I attend our family's church, and Sunday School is kind of like a sermon, which is new for me, since I've always been in more discussion-style Sunday Schools. But when the college/young adult class disbanded, because almost everyone was in their late 20s or earl 30s, I got moved in with the adults. Then, of course, the actual church service is a sermon style. I attended a Sunday Evening Bible Study tied to LCC students one week, and it also was kind of a sermon, but it was geared for college students, which I really enjoyed. It was very relevant to my life. Then on Monday's I attend my youth group's cell group, and it is more of a lifestyle challenge/encouragement type idea. We look at the Bible, but we also focus on books and sharing and just being a part of each other's lives. So Tuesday night provides a unique opportunity for me to dig into the Word in an environment where I can ask questions, discuss controversial issues, and hear other people's opinions.
The people are great too! I've enjoyed getting to know some of the girls over the past couple months. Life is complicated, of course, and sometimes it feels like there are some crazy relationship dynamics, but at other times it is so simple. We are all Jesus-followers, people who, even if it isn't our main passion now, want to MAKE seeking God our priority. And I find being with those people, when we really start digging into the Bible, inspiring and encouraging.... So why can't it feel that way ALL the time?
I get frusterated with myself sometimes... I guess everyone probably does! Anyhow, I get frusterated with myself about who I am. I know that sounds kryptic, but the Relient K song says "Who I am hates who I've been," and I can related to that. Even though I'm not always perfectly happy with who I am now, sometimes when I look at who I have been, I am ashamed of myself.
It's crazy... I have had an interesting fall. Actually, I've had a dang interesting past 6 months! Some things I never expected to happen, happened, and then, in the scope of what seemed like a very short time, circumstances went back to what they were like 6 months ago. The month of October was a particularly dark one for me this year. So, for any of my friends who have stumbled across this site, that's why I was probably acting REALLY weird and out of it last month! As I mentioned at Bible Study tonight, sometimes God allows us to enter those periods of despair after we realize we are off track with Him.
In the course of a short time, I went from a relative low, unsure, doubtful feeling (Friday night), to feeling utterly horrible about some of my actions and things I'd said that hurt someone I cared about a lot (Saturday morning), to getting a phone call telling me that a friend from high school had committed suicide (Saturday afternoon), to hitting the first wave of mourning, even though I was still in shock (Saturday night), to having the opportunity to apologize for the things I'd done, even though I still don't feel like I have been forgiven (Sunday night... more on this thought later!), then on to a painful week of trying to face every day feeling like the light in my world had been switched off and I couldn't find the plug in... Silence, at times, can be incredibly dark!
Then the following Saturday night the numbness of my friend's death finally wore off, and I spent a good 2 hours in a funeral chapel at a private viewing of the body just bawling. Crying can be so cleansing, and it really was for me, even though I didn't feel like it at the time. Anyhow, then on Sunday, the other conflict in my life reached a surface fix, although it is not what I really wanted or probably would have chosen. However, God had prepared me for whatever way things turned out, and when they happened the way they did, I realized I was OK with that. Or, I would be eventually!
I hit a high at that point, feeling like I had trusted God and He had carried me through, then I had the funeral service itself for my friend Monday morning, which, again, was emotional... and then for the next week, I would be OK during the day, but the closer to evening it got, the deeper into that despairing darkness I would sink. It felt, at times, that someone else's thoughts were living inside my head, I was so scared of the ideas I was entertaining, but they were also definitely MY thoughts! I was mad at God (unjustly, of course!), and I was hurting, but it also gave me a wonderful opportunity to be completely honest with my Lord. As much as I wish I could always approach Him in such a raw manner, I rarely do. He used that time to teach me much of himself, but in such a way that I don't think I really realized it. I felt like a mass of hopeless, confused, hurting human being, but he was slowly healing me in such a way that I depended on him more.
Although it started to get better, it wasn't until about last week that I walked out to my car one morning feeling normal. I don't know how to describe what normal felt like, and it isn't that I've forgotten my experience, or that I'm not still in recovery mode, but somehow I've tapped back into who I am, and I'm not sure when exactly I last touched that identity. Last spring? Just 6 weeks ago? Years? I have changed so much since then, I'm having to remake who that identity is, but at the same time, it is still me. And older, more experienced, hopefully wiser me, but it is me all the same.
OK, one more thought before I close this very long blog (actually, almost all my blogs are long, so I think I'll stop apologizing for that!). Forgiveness: Sometimes it feels very ellusive! Even when I believe I have done what I can to apologize, be humble, admit my mistake, understand another person's hurt, try to express to them how sorry I am, and ask their forgiveness, it is still their decision to forgive. And, even though I know it probably shouldn't be something that holds up the healing process, not receiving someone's forgiveness DOES stunt it for me. I never realized how powerful those words could be. Hearing "Dani, I forgive you," would be... amazing, actually! To know that that person truely HAS forgiven me, knowing they realized I never meant to hurt them, and in fact, wanted to do everything possible NOT to hurt them, and maybe have them realize a small fraction of the agony I've been through knowing I inflicted pain... "I forgive you" would be the balm that would allow the wound to finally heal, I think. I hope, at least! I'd like to believe that! Because, the majority of the pain I feel is because of the hurt someone else is feeling on account of me. Love is an incredibly risky business, I think! Any and all kinds of it: Agape, Philos, or Eros.... All of it require not only being vulnerable to someone else, but realizing they're being vulnerable to you too, and realizing that they have placed the power to hurt in your hand.... And then, when you do hurt them, I'm not sure... does it hurt you more, because you realized you hurt them? It's all so complicated!
OK, that is ENOUGH! I have a doctor appointment at 7:45 tomorrow morning (Why do doctor's schedule things that early?!?!), and I am utterly exhausted, so I shall hit the hay right now and try to catch 6 hours of sleep or so! Good night!
School was relatively uneventful... I do love being on a campus where I recognize faces. I saw several teachers and fellow students in my short jaunt across campus between classes. I will definitely miss being in this place that seems so "at home" for me. Part of me is sad to be finishing so soon... I don't feel like it could be over 2 years since I started here!!!
I was in a baking mood today. I made rice pudding using left over rice from last night's midnight dinner for Dad. Then I made more rice for Dad's lunch, then I decided I'd make cinnamin rolls. I finished a couple little odd homework things, responded to some emails, fielded some phone calls, called an airline and changed a ticket around. Then I went running, and I LOVE the way I feel after running! Runner's high... yeah, it is definitely true! It was dark and cold, but still felt good.
Bible Study was tonight. I really enjoy the Tuesday night Bible Study. On Sunday mornings I attend our family's church, and Sunday School is kind of like a sermon, which is new for me, since I've always been in more discussion-style Sunday Schools. But when the college/young adult class disbanded, because almost everyone was in their late 20s or earl 30s, I got moved in with the adults. Then, of course, the actual church service is a sermon style. I attended a Sunday Evening Bible Study tied to LCC students one week, and it also was kind of a sermon, but it was geared for college students, which I really enjoyed. It was very relevant to my life. Then on Monday's I attend my youth group's cell group, and it is more of a lifestyle challenge/encouragement type idea. We look at the Bible, but we also focus on books and sharing and just being a part of each other's lives. So Tuesday night provides a unique opportunity for me to dig into the Word in an environment where I can ask questions, discuss controversial issues, and hear other people's opinions.
The people are great too! I've enjoyed getting to know some of the girls over the past couple months. Life is complicated, of course, and sometimes it feels like there are some crazy relationship dynamics, but at other times it is so simple. We are all Jesus-followers, people who, even if it isn't our main passion now, want to MAKE seeking God our priority. And I find being with those people, when we really start digging into the Bible, inspiring and encouraging.... So why can't it feel that way ALL the time?
I get frusterated with myself sometimes... I guess everyone probably does! Anyhow, I get frusterated with myself about who I am. I know that sounds kryptic, but the Relient K song says "Who I am hates who I've been," and I can related to that. Even though I'm not always perfectly happy with who I am now, sometimes when I look at who I have been, I am ashamed of myself.
It's crazy... I have had an interesting fall. Actually, I've had a dang interesting past 6 months! Some things I never expected to happen, happened, and then, in the scope of what seemed like a very short time, circumstances went back to what they were like 6 months ago. The month of October was a particularly dark one for me this year. So, for any of my friends who have stumbled across this site, that's why I was probably acting REALLY weird and out of it last month! As I mentioned at Bible Study tonight, sometimes God allows us to enter those periods of despair after we realize we are off track with Him.
In the course of a short time, I went from a relative low, unsure, doubtful feeling (Friday night), to feeling utterly horrible about some of my actions and things I'd said that hurt someone I cared about a lot (Saturday morning), to getting a phone call telling me that a friend from high school had committed suicide (Saturday afternoon), to hitting the first wave of mourning, even though I was still in shock (Saturday night), to having the opportunity to apologize for the things I'd done, even though I still don't feel like I have been forgiven (Sunday night... more on this thought later!), then on to a painful week of trying to face every day feeling like the light in my world had been switched off and I couldn't find the plug in... Silence, at times, can be incredibly dark!
Then the following Saturday night the numbness of my friend's death finally wore off, and I spent a good 2 hours in a funeral chapel at a private viewing of the body just bawling. Crying can be so cleansing, and it really was for me, even though I didn't feel like it at the time. Anyhow, then on Sunday, the other conflict in my life reached a surface fix, although it is not what I really wanted or probably would have chosen. However, God had prepared me for whatever way things turned out, and when they happened the way they did, I realized I was OK with that. Or, I would be eventually!
I hit a high at that point, feeling like I had trusted God and He had carried me through, then I had the funeral service itself for my friend Monday morning, which, again, was emotional... and then for the next week, I would be OK during the day, but the closer to evening it got, the deeper into that despairing darkness I would sink. It felt, at times, that someone else's thoughts were living inside my head, I was so scared of the ideas I was entertaining, but they were also definitely MY thoughts! I was mad at God (unjustly, of course!), and I was hurting, but it also gave me a wonderful opportunity to be completely honest with my Lord. As much as I wish I could always approach Him in such a raw manner, I rarely do. He used that time to teach me much of himself, but in such a way that I don't think I really realized it. I felt like a mass of hopeless, confused, hurting human being, but he was slowly healing me in such a way that I depended on him more.
Although it started to get better, it wasn't until about last week that I walked out to my car one morning feeling normal. I don't know how to describe what normal felt like, and it isn't that I've forgotten my experience, or that I'm not still in recovery mode, but somehow I've tapped back into who I am, and I'm not sure when exactly I last touched that identity. Last spring? Just 6 weeks ago? Years? I have changed so much since then, I'm having to remake who that identity is, but at the same time, it is still me. And older, more experienced, hopefully wiser me, but it is me all the same.
OK, one more thought before I close this very long blog (actually, almost all my blogs are long, so I think I'll stop apologizing for that!). Forgiveness: Sometimes it feels very ellusive! Even when I believe I have done what I can to apologize, be humble, admit my mistake, understand another person's hurt, try to express to them how sorry I am, and ask their forgiveness, it is still their decision to forgive. And, even though I know it probably shouldn't be something that holds up the healing process, not receiving someone's forgiveness DOES stunt it for me. I never realized how powerful those words could be. Hearing "Dani, I forgive you," would be... amazing, actually! To know that that person truely HAS forgiven me, knowing they realized I never meant to hurt them, and in fact, wanted to do everything possible NOT to hurt them, and maybe have them realize a small fraction of the agony I've been through knowing I inflicted pain... "I forgive you" would be the balm that would allow the wound to finally heal, I think. I hope, at least! I'd like to believe that! Because, the majority of the pain I feel is because of the hurt someone else is feeling on account of me. Love is an incredibly risky business, I think! Any and all kinds of it: Agape, Philos, or Eros.... All of it require not only being vulnerable to someone else, but realizing they're being vulnerable to you too, and realizing that they have placed the power to hurt in your hand.... And then, when you do hurt them, I'm not sure... does it hurt you more, because you realized you hurt them? It's all so complicated!
OK, that is ENOUGH! I have a doctor appointment at 7:45 tomorrow morning (Why do doctor's schedule things that early?!?!), and I am utterly exhausted, so I shall hit the hay right now and try to catch 6 hours of sleep or so! Good night!
Monday, November 20, 2006
Monday AM in the Shulke house
I walked in from my morning class about 10 minutes ago. I had been to class, then dropped by the house I was housesitting at last week to give the key back and collect my payment. The couple had come home unexpectedly when the wife broke her arm, so I had to pick up some of my stuff too.
It was strange walking into my house. The kitchen lights were off, the counter was clean. This, in and of itself isn't unusual, but usually not in the morning. Typically the lights don't get turned off in the kitchen until after lunch. Mom was writing stuff on our white board, with her hair in electric curlers. Max and Olivia were dressed in nice clothes, sitting at the dining room table working on their schoolwork. Heather was on the loveseat in the living room, with her algebra in her lap.
Why is this strange? Isn't this the typical way a day progresses when you're homeschooled? Well..... yes and no! Yes, Max and Olivia usually do a lot of their work at the table, Mom often writes things on the board, and Heather is often perched in some spot in the living room. But having the house be sort of quiet, lights turned off, and nobody talking or trying to get a word in edgewise in another conversation.... That's rare!
After I walked in, set my stuff down, and changed out of my jeans into sweats, Max and Olivia started arguing about which of them had correctly measured the flower growing in the middle of our table, Mom began taking the curlers out and telling Max and Olivia to stop arguing, Heather got off the loveseat, moaning and groaning about her sore muscles (she had volleyball tryouts yesterday). Dad walked in, looking for breakfast, since he's been outside since early this morning, and Mom started relaying a conversation she'd had on the phone with someone about Heather's volleyball. Heather began asking for a backrub, Mom interrupted herself to tell Max and Olivia to get their stuff and get ready to go to piano, Dad opened the fridge, looking for something appealing, Max started chasing Olivia with the ruler, she ran away from him and got her hair all messy, so then Mom wanted her to brush it again. They were scrambling to get their piano books and put their shoes on.
As Mom was talking to Dad and the twins, she plugged in the dishwasher, so now it is sitting in our kitchen making loud noises. The washer machine and dryer got started also, in the utility room that is essentially our entry way into the kitchen.... THIS scene is much more "normal!" My family hasn't really ever been the kind to sit down from 9AM to 1PM to work on school in an organized fashion.... More often than not, someone will be laying with their body across the couch, and the book they're reading on the floor, so they'll be half on/half off the couch. I'm sprawled in a chair in the corner of our living room by the south windows, with my laptop in my lap, my glasses on, my headphones plugged in so I can listen to music as I type this, my feet hanging over the arm rest, and the plug for my computer snaking through Olivia's Barbie set up to the plug in behind the chair.
Heather also has music playing (we're both listening to Stephen Speaks, but two different songs) on the computer, and now she is laying on the floor beside the desk, so she can listen to her music and work on math. Max and Olivia and Mom have left and gone to piano, they'll be back in awhile to grab lunch, and then they're heading up to Seattle to spend some time with my cousins. It'll be an afternoon of books spread out all over the living room, music playing from at least 2 different sources, possibly more if either Heath or I go into our room, and I might plunk away on the piano after a bit.
This is life. Chewing gum, staring at the laptop screen, trying to find the words to describe how much I love the normalacy of this, combined with the fact that sometimes it becomes absolutely chaotic! Of course, it gets on my nerves, when I'm studying a subject that I find boring, all the stimulation is difficult to ignore, but I still appreciate it. I love the fact that our house seems to be a nucleus for our lives. I think that is the way it should be. I know people who only seem to be at home to dump their stuff and sleep, and sometimes it gets that way in my life too, I admit. But coming home and getting to see my siblings learning, to get to listen to them practice their reading, encourage their piano playing, even to break up the fights... It means I HAVE siblings! It means there ARE people in my life that I have an ingrained relationship with, and I love that.
So... homework now! I've wasted enough time on here for now! Appreciate your family and the chaos that can come from them.... even when you have to FORCE yourself to, having a thankful attitude makes the world seem brighter! In fact, I'm even beginning to look forward to that Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday night with my "Big Fat Greek Wedding" type of relatives! :-D
It was strange walking into my house. The kitchen lights were off, the counter was clean. This, in and of itself isn't unusual, but usually not in the morning. Typically the lights don't get turned off in the kitchen until after lunch. Mom was writing stuff on our white board, with her hair in electric curlers. Max and Olivia were dressed in nice clothes, sitting at the dining room table working on their schoolwork. Heather was on the loveseat in the living room, with her algebra in her lap.
Why is this strange? Isn't this the typical way a day progresses when you're homeschooled? Well..... yes and no! Yes, Max and Olivia usually do a lot of their work at the table, Mom often writes things on the board, and Heather is often perched in some spot in the living room. But having the house be sort of quiet, lights turned off, and nobody talking or trying to get a word in edgewise in another conversation.... That's rare!
After I walked in, set my stuff down, and changed out of my jeans into sweats, Max and Olivia started arguing about which of them had correctly measured the flower growing in the middle of our table, Mom began taking the curlers out and telling Max and Olivia to stop arguing, Heather got off the loveseat, moaning and groaning about her sore muscles (she had volleyball tryouts yesterday). Dad walked in, looking for breakfast, since he's been outside since early this morning, and Mom started relaying a conversation she'd had on the phone with someone about Heather's volleyball. Heather began asking for a backrub, Mom interrupted herself to tell Max and Olivia to get their stuff and get ready to go to piano, Dad opened the fridge, looking for something appealing, Max started chasing Olivia with the ruler, she ran away from him and got her hair all messy, so then Mom wanted her to brush it again. They were scrambling to get their piano books and put their shoes on.
As Mom was talking to Dad and the twins, she plugged in the dishwasher, so now it is sitting in our kitchen making loud noises. The washer machine and dryer got started also, in the utility room that is essentially our entry way into the kitchen.... THIS scene is much more "normal!" My family hasn't really ever been the kind to sit down from 9AM to 1PM to work on school in an organized fashion.... More often than not, someone will be laying with their body across the couch, and the book they're reading on the floor, so they'll be half on/half off the couch. I'm sprawled in a chair in the corner of our living room by the south windows, with my laptop in my lap, my glasses on, my headphones plugged in so I can listen to music as I type this, my feet hanging over the arm rest, and the plug for my computer snaking through Olivia's Barbie set up to the plug in behind the chair.
Heather also has music playing (we're both listening to Stephen Speaks, but two different songs) on the computer, and now she is laying on the floor beside the desk, so she can listen to her music and work on math. Max and Olivia and Mom have left and gone to piano, they'll be back in awhile to grab lunch, and then they're heading up to Seattle to spend some time with my cousins. It'll be an afternoon of books spread out all over the living room, music playing from at least 2 different sources, possibly more if either Heath or I go into our room, and I might plunk away on the piano after a bit.
This is life. Chewing gum, staring at the laptop screen, trying to find the words to describe how much I love the normalacy of this, combined with the fact that sometimes it becomes absolutely chaotic! Of course, it gets on my nerves, when I'm studying a subject that I find boring, all the stimulation is difficult to ignore, but I still appreciate it. I love the fact that our house seems to be a nucleus for our lives. I think that is the way it should be. I know people who only seem to be at home to dump their stuff and sleep, and sometimes it gets that way in my life too, I admit. But coming home and getting to see my siblings learning, to get to listen to them practice their reading, encourage their piano playing, even to break up the fights... It means I HAVE siblings! It means there ARE people in my life that I have an ingrained relationship with, and I love that.
So... homework now! I've wasted enough time on here for now! Appreciate your family and the chaos that can come from them.... even when you have to FORCE yourself to, having a thankful attitude makes the world seem brighter! In fact, I'm even beginning to look forward to that Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday night with my "Big Fat Greek Wedding" type of relatives! :-D
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Busy, Lazy, rainy Sunday
It's Sunday afternoon. I like Sundays, but they usually aren't my favorite day of the week. I like church, but I dread going back to school for another 5 days. Good news, though, this week I only have through WEDNESDAY, because Thanksgiving is on Thursday! I'm not sure if I'm excited about Thanksgiving or not... We'll have our usual family get-together at my grandmothers, which is always nice in the sense that you get to catch up with people you might not have seen for awhile. But at the moment, and for most of the moments this week, well, actually like the past 6 weeks or so! I've just wanted solitude. Simple, quiet, laid back, non-loud days. And my family is anything BUT quiet! Have you seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"? Well, that's us. We're not Greek, but we talk and eat as much as they do!
Actually, I'm sure I will enjoy Thanksgiving. We'll have cousins there that I haven't seen in ages, and it is always good to stay connected to people. But I don't particularly care for winter holidays, to be honest! Thanksgiving and Christmas... they just aren't too much my thing! One reason is they come so close together, and another is because it is always dark and cold outside. I like holidays were you can spend all afternoon and evening sitting in lawn chairs outdoors.
I've got various projects (actually, one in each of my three classes) that I need to finish up before Wednesday. I have an oral report on a poet (I picked Louis Simpson) for my Creative Writing class. I need to turn in my capstone paper (13 pages at the moment, and mostly finished, I just need to do the work cited page) in my Developmental Psychology class. And, I need to complete an observation field trip in my Earth Science class... I'd hoped to go to the beach on Saturday, but I had too many other things going, so it didn't happen. Now I'm not sure where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do, but I need to figure something out, as it is due Wednesday!
K, I'm hopping off of here to read more in my Developmental Psychology book... Interesting, but slow reading. I've finished 247 pages in the past 3 weeks, and I have another 108 to go by Tuesday, so I'd better get reading! And, if I'm REALLY ambitious, I'll get a run in this afternoon, despite the factt hat it si the typically drizzle out there... sigh.
Actually, I'm sure I will enjoy Thanksgiving. We'll have cousins there that I haven't seen in ages, and it is always good to stay connected to people. But I don't particularly care for winter holidays, to be honest! Thanksgiving and Christmas... they just aren't too much my thing! One reason is they come so close together, and another is because it is always dark and cold outside. I like holidays were you can spend all afternoon and evening sitting in lawn chairs outdoors.
I've got various projects (actually, one in each of my three classes) that I need to finish up before Wednesday. I have an oral report on a poet (I picked Louis Simpson) for my Creative Writing class. I need to turn in my capstone paper (13 pages at the moment, and mostly finished, I just need to do the work cited page) in my Developmental Psychology class. And, I need to complete an observation field trip in my Earth Science class... I'd hoped to go to the beach on Saturday, but I had too many other things going, so it didn't happen. Now I'm not sure where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do, but I need to figure something out, as it is due Wednesday!
K, I'm hopping off of here to read more in my Developmental Psychology book... Interesting, but slow reading. I've finished 247 pages in the past 3 weeks, and I have another 108 to go by Tuesday, so I'd better get reading! And, if I'm REALLY ambitious, I'll get a run in this afternoon, despite the factt hat it si the typically drizzle out there... sigh.
Saturday, November 18, 2006
New Vision: Not just a travel Blog
Hey friends:
Ok, so I've decided to go ahead and make this into a NORMAL blog... not JUST for when I'm traveling! (Although I hope to use it often for that purpose too! :-) ).
So, to start out with, let me introduce you to my family:
Joe (aka: Dad)
height: 6'0"
eyes: blue
occupation: agriculture/ranch survivor!
birthday: July 8th
Dad grew up on the very land that his children and his mother grew up on. He is the youngest of four kids, nine years younger than his closest brother. He's a social, easy-to-talk-to, fun guy. He met Debbie in high school, and his parents fell in love with her! To this day, my grandpa (Dad's father) claims he arranged their marriage... but it was certainly agreed to from both parties! Dad told Mom the day they walked down their high school graduation aisle together that the next aisle they walked down would be at their wedding.... She laughed at him! But two years later his prediction came true. They were married on April 25th, 1981. 25 years later, they're still living here, raising various animals and children, building businesses and keeping them running!
Debbie (aka: Mom):
height: 5'8"
eyes: hazel
occupation: too many to list!
birthday: March 17th
Originally from the LA area, Mom had a lot of adjusting to do to settle into life in rural Washington when she moved here as a little girl. But adapt she did, even to become a farmers wife! The oldest of three children, all close in age, in many ways her and Dad are opposite... but they'll be the first to tell you they balance each other out well! After graduating from high school, she attended school in Bellingham for two years, before moving back to the area to get married. She finished her BA in the next two years, then went on to complete her Master's in Education. Although she only taught in public schools for 2 years, her background came in handy when she and Dad decided to homeschool their children.
Megan:
height: 5'5"
eyes: green
occupation: student/oldest sister
birthday: July 27th
Age: 21
As the oldest child, Megan had to put up with a lot! Not only was she expected to set a good example for her younger siblings, but she also was the "practice" child... Homeschooling, surgery, sickness, travel, driving, college, moving away, she's been the first to do it! Megan is dedicated, dilligent, patient, and hard working. She began attending a private school her sophomore year of high school, and finished all the requirments to graduate in three years. Attending the community college part time her senior year, she finished her AA last June, before moving to Colorado to continue her education. Megan, being only 2 1/2 years older than me, has been one of my best friends for my whole life, although I didn't realize it until I was in about 8th grade! She always looked out after me, showing me the ropes first at the private school we went to, and then at the community college. Although we have different temperments and personalities, she can read me like a book, and is usually willing and patient to hash through my problems with me!
Danielle:
height: 5'4"
eyes: hazel
occupation: student/farm hand!
birthday: January 29th
Age: 18
Finding words to describe me is hard! I believe I am a paradox, or dichotomy, or person made up of unsual opposites. I tend toward the creative side, wanting to feel free to express myself and discover my individuality, yet I seek to be structure and organized. I love people, learning about them, and talking with them, yet I also need intense solitude at times. I love cities, the bustle, the noise, the chance to watch people, yet I avidly love nature also, hiking, running, walking, spending time outside listening to non-human made sounds. I played soccer for 14 years, yet I don't consider myself an athletically competative person. Naturally gifted with a flair for academics, I can also easily get bored with a subject if I can't find a way to relate to it on a personal level. Some people call me mature, but I also feel much like a little girl at times. I want to please people, yet I also don't mind bucking the trends a bit. I love Jesus, music, traveling, my family, my friends, reading, hot drinks, creating, cooking, running, blessing other people, writing, and thinking in colors. I graduated from high school last June, I will be finished with my AA by March, and complete my first semester of my Junior year in college by May. I tend to do things out of the ordinary, which includes my education, obviously!
Heather:
height: 5'6"
eyes: hazel
occupation: student/farm hand
birthday: September 6th
Age: 16
Heather is an athletic, competative, driven bundle of energy. She loves to laugh, compete, and join people on adventures. She drives an old Ford Tempo (the tin-can-on-wheels) and has it completely redecorated to fit her tastes. Volleyball is a passion for her, but more importantly is her love of people. Heather has always been a social butterfly, collecting birthday invitations and friends faster than many people I know! People are drawn to her natural leadership ability. Heather has a gift of playing sports well, yet she is the first to tell you she is not an island unto herself. Loyal to her teammates, Heather helped encourage, inspire, and aide her volleyball team to compete in the high school State Tournament this year. Her team came home with a 7th place trophy. Heather is street smart (well, compared to me, at least!) , has a great sense of humor, suggests wild ideas that are always fun, and is a great navigator. One of my best friends, I can count on her to be honest, loyal, and supportive. She protects the people she loves, and loves with all her heart.
Max:
height: haven't measured lately!
eyes: brown
occupation: student/Dad's right hand man
birthday: September 5th
Age: 9
As the only boy, Max has a big role to fill. Tormenting his sisters, pretending to be a hunter, and educating his mother on the finer arts of boy living, Max helps keep our life exciting. An avid outdoorsman, Max loves hunting for animals, tracking animals, building forts, eating beef jerky, and building campfires. Sharp witted and bright, Max knew the names and purpose for any kind of large machine by the time he was three - far surpassing his 2nd oldest sisters knowledge! He can also be mischevious: today he was taking a shower and cheerfully splashed me with a cup full of water when I ran unsuspectingly came into the room. When he was younger, he and his twin were once having a water gun fight, but when his gun emptied of ammo, he simply turned on the garden hose and let loose on Olivia. Not only that, but he had locked two of the entrances to our house with his sisters outside, and stationed himself at the third door with the hose, ready to keep everyone outside.
Olivia:
height: about the same as Max
eyes: blue
occupation: student/princess
birthday: September 5th
age: 9
The youngest, by two minutes, of the five Shulke children. Olivia loves horses, dress up, tea parties, dolls, reading horse books, playing horse with her cousins, adventuring with her brother, and having her hair curled. Probably the most "girly" of all her sisters, she has a wide assortment of dress up clothing and jewelry. Independent, spirited, and (at times), a touch stubborn, Olivia tries to please people, yet won't be pushed around by them. She joins her brother on his outdoor escapades, looking for elk racks, building forts, playing imaginitive games, and exploring our old haybarn. She is the biggest animal lover of the family, be it cat, dog, mouse, rat, horse, cow, or frog, she wants to see it, pet it, and (if possible) hold it. Although naturally competative with her brother, she is also willing to compromise. For example, Olivia held the greater height advantage for awhile, and whenever Max would bemoan that fact to anyone willing to listen, she's cheerfully pipe up and remind them that Max was still 2 minutes older than her.
So there you have it! The members of my family. We're a little odd, a little eccentric, a little disfunctional, we don't always get along, but we always love each other, and somehow it all just works! Thanks for meeting us!
Ok, so I've decided to go ahead and make this into a NORMAL blog... not JUST for when I'm traveling! (Although I hope to use it often for that purpose too! :-) ).
So, to start out with, let me introduce you to my family:
Joe (aka: Dad)
height: 6'0"
eyes: blue
occupation: agriculture/ranch survivor!
birthday: July 8th
Dad grew up on the very land that his children and his mother grew up on. He is the youngest of four kids, nine years younger than his closest brother. He's a social, easy-to-talk-to, fun guy. He met Debbie in high school, and his parents fell in love with her! To this day, my grandpa (Dad's father) claims he arranged their marriage... but it was certainly agreed to from both parties! Dad told Mom the day they walked down their high school graduation aisle together that the next aisle they walked down would be at their wedding.... She laughed at him! But two years later his prediction came true. They were married on April 25th, 1981. 25 years later, they're still living here, raising various animals and children, building businesses and keeping them running!
Debbie (aka: Mom):
height: 5'8"
eyes: hazel
occupation: too many to list!
birthday: March 17th
Originally from the LA area, Mom had a lot of adjusting to do to settle into life in rural Washington when she moved here as a little girl. But adapt she did, even to become a farmers wife! The oldest of three children, all close in age, in many ways her and Dad are opposite... but they'll be the first to tell you they balance each other out well! After graduating from high school, she attended school in Bellingham for two years, before moving back to the area to get married. She finished her BA in the next two years, then went on to complete her Master's in Education. Although she only taught in public schools for 2 years, her background came in handy when she and Dad decided to homeschool their children.
Megan:
height: 5'5"
eyes: green
occupation: student/oldest sister
birthday: July 27th
Age: 21
As the oldest child, Megan had to put up with a lot! Not only was she expected to set a good example for her younger siblings, but she also was the "practice" child... Homeschooling, surgery, sickness, travel, driving, college, moving away, she's been the first to do it! Megan is dedicated, dilligent, patient, and hard working. She began attending a private school her sophomore year of high school, and finished all the requirments to graduate in three years. Attending the community college part time her senior year, she finished her AA last June, before moving to Colorado to continue her education. Megan, being only 2 1/2 years older than me, has been one of my best friends for my whole life, although I didn't realize it until I was in about 8th grade! She always looked out after me, showing me the ropes first at the private school we went to, and then at the community college. Although we have different temperments and personalities, she can read me like a book, and is usually willing and patient to hash through my problems with me!
Danielle:
height: 5'4"
eyes: hazel
occupation: student/farm hand!
birthday: January 29th
Age: 18
Finding words to describe me is hard! I believe I am a paradox, or dichotomy, or person made up of unsual opposites. I tend toward the creative side, wanting to feel free to express myself and discover my individuality, yet I seek to be structure and organized. I love people, learning about them, and talking with them, yet I also need intense solitude at times. I love cities, the bustle, the noise, the chance to watch people, yet I avidly love nature also, hiking, running, walking, spending time outside listening to non-human made sounds. I played soccer for 14 years, yet I don't consider myself an athletically competative person. Naturally gifted with a flair for academics, I can also easily get bored with a subject if I can't find a way to relate to it on a personal level. Some people call me mature, but I also feel much like a little girl at times. I want to please people, yet I also don't mind bucking the trends a bit. I love Jesus, music, traveling, my family, my friends, reading, hot drinks, creating, cooking, running, blessing other people, writing, and thinking in colors. I graduated from high school last June, I will be finished with my AA by March, and complete my first semester of my Junior year in college by May. I tend to do things out of the ordinary, which includes my education, obviously!
Heather:
height: 5'6"
eyes: hazel
occupation: student/farm hand
birthday: September 6th
Age: 16
Heather is an athletic, competative, driven bundle of energy. She loves to laugh, compete, and join people on adventures. She drives an old Ford Tempo (the tin-can-on-wheels) and has it completely redecorated to fit her tastes. Volleyball is a passion for her, but more importantly is her love of people. Heather has always been a social butterfly, collecting birthday invitations and friends faster than many people I know! People are drawn to her natural leadership ability. Heather has a gift of playing sports well, yet she is the first to tell you she is not an island unto herself. Loyal to her teammates, Heather helped encourage, inspire, and aide her volleyball team to compete in the high school State Tournament this year. Her team came home with a 7th place trophy. Heather is street smart (well, compared to me, at least!) , has a great sense of humor, suggests wild ideas that are always fun, and is a great navigator. One of my best friends, I can count on her to be honest, loyal, and supportive. She protects the people she loves, and loves with all her heart.
Max:
height: haven't measured lately!
eyes: brown
occupation: student/Dad's right hand man
birthday: September 5th
Age: 9
As the only boy, Max has a big role to fill. Tormenting his sisters, pretending to be a hunter, and educating his mother on the finer arts of boy living, Max helps keep our life exciting. An avid outdoorsman, Max loves hunting for animals, tracking animals, building forts, eating beef jerky, and building campfires. Sharp witted and bright, Max knew the names and purpose for any kind of large machine by the time he was three - far surpassing his 2nd oldest sisters knowledge! He can also be mischevious: today he was taking a shower and cheerfully splashed me with a cup full of water when I ran unsuspectingly came into the room. When he was younger, he and his twin were once having a water gun fight, but when his gun emptied of ammo, he simply turned on the garden hose and let loose on Olivia. Not only that, but he had locked two of the entrances to our house with his sisters outside, and stationed himself at the third door with the hose, ready to keep everyone outside.
Olivia:
height: about the same as Max
eyes: blue
occupation: student/princess
birthday: September 5th
age: 9
The youngest, by two minutes, of the five Shulke children. Olivia loves horses, dress up, tea parties, dolls, reading horse books, playing horse with her cousins, adventuring with her brother, and having her hair curled. Probably the most "girly" of all her sisters, she has a wide assortment of dress up clothing and jewelry. Independent, spirited, and (at times), a touch stubborn, Olivia tries to please people, yet won't be pushed around by them. She joins her brother on his outdoor escapades, looking for elk racks, building forts, playing imaginitive games, and exploring our old haybarn. She is the biggest animal lover of the family, be it cat, dog, mouse, rat, horse, cow, or frog, she wants to see it, pet it, and (if possible) hold it. Although naturally competative with her brother, she is also willing to compromise. For example, Olivia held the greater height advantage for awhile, and whenever Max would bemoan that fact to anyone willing to listen, she's cheerfully pipe up and remind them that Max was still 2 minutes older than her.
So there you have it! The members of my family. We're a little odd, a little eccentric, a little disfunctional, we don't always get along, but we always love each other, and somehow it all just works! Thanks for meeting us!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)