Childhood Aspirations

I was a big fan of the Christy Miller books in middle school. I always feel like characters in books are my friends - finishing books is really hard sometimes, because it's like walking away from a friendship with no real hope of it continuing and growing in the future. I hate that thought.

Christy Miller was once told, "You're one of those people that has a heart that just welcomes people - people who walk into your life sort of just walk into your heart. It's like they feel welcome to just come in, kick off their shoes, and stay awhile."

I loved that picture. Homes are my favorite places to be. At the advanced age of 13 I vividly remember praying that God would make me like that - that I would have a heart that people felt welcome to come in, plop down on a couch, and stay awhile.

I'm still in the process of being thus transformed. I often think about that picture and breath little prayers throughout my days that I would have a God-like hospitable heart. I'm not always sure where I'm at in progressing toward that goal, but this last week I had three different conversations with three different people that encouraged me.

The first was with my friend Angela who told me she admired the fact that I was a strong woman. The context of the conversation and comment was directed toward having strength of character. I think people who are hospitable must be strong in a tender way - it's not easy to have people in and out of your house or your heart all the time, because it can be wearying to invest in people and have them walk out, but if my strength and energy and motivation for caring for these people comes from Jesus and my love for Him and all things He loves, it's not hard at all to love. Rather than people being something that is a cost, they become a way for me to give back to Jesus. I don't usually think of myself as being "strong," but I'm starting to think that maybe God is answering my prayer for transformation.

The second conversation was with my friend Anthony. He commented that spending time with me was "refreshing" and "peaceful" and "soothing," and he asserted that I have a "personality" that makes a lot of people feel that way. I don't really see that in myself across the board, but I guess my ideal would be for my presence in a room or in people's lives to convey those adjectives - and I aspire to that because I know that in and of myself, I'm incapable of that. When those words describe me, they're actually describing the presence of Jesus in my life, since He is the "Prince of Peace."

Finally, I stopped in to see my friend Kindra yesterday morning on my way home from work, and we were talking about being with people and how some people are just difficult to be around because they're exhausting. They're loud, they talk over others, they try to attract attention to themselves, and they are uncomfortable with silence and quiet for thoughts. I looked her in the eye and said, "Kindra, tell me honestly, where do I rate on the scale of exhausting to be around in your life?" And she said, "Oh my gosh, Dani, you don't. I feel like I can sit down with you on the couch and we will have a real interaction - when I talk, you'll listen to me and dig deeper to make sure you understand what I'm saying, and you can also communicate to me exactly what you're thinking and feeling. You are not tiring to be around at all. You're very soothing to be with."

I was surprised. I guess I feel like most of the time my mind is jumping around with so many thoughts that I might just be overwhelming to most people. "Soothing" wasn't exactly a word I expected to be used to describe me - much less twice! I know that I can stimulate people to think sometimes - Kindra mentioned that and how she appreciates that even though we're a decade apart in age, I still challenge her to really think about things and work through those thoughts - but I don't feel like I'm always good at de-stimulating people. I've been described as "energetic," "lively," "spirited," and "adventurous" in the past - they don't necessarily come listed in the thesaurus under "soothing" or "peaceful."

Therefore, I must conclude that if that is the impression these people get from being around me, the credit goes straight past me to Jesus; on my own, I really don't think I'm capable of being an agent of calm and peace. It's really only through His transformative work in my life that these people are getting those vibes from me.

Thanks, Jesus, for using me in the lives of my friends. I'm honored and humbled that you choose to work in and through me for your glory.