My family is not perfect. We have arguments. We have longstanding walls that no one wants to address or break down. I think we don't want to do that because we all know how messy it is to tear down a wall - the residual dust gets everywhere, there's a whole huge amount of clean up to do, and there's always the fear that tearing down the wall will be a bad move. Maybe it'll uncover flaws in the structure that cannot be fixed or covered up. Maybe we'll find things we didn't know about in the wall - bats or mice or termites or such. It's a scary thing, this possibility of tearing down walls.
There are some things lurking under the surface in my family. I think it's probably there with most families. I was talking to a friend the other day and he said it's been so good recently with his family, because those things have been pulled to the surface and they've had the chance to clean it out. Sometimes I think these things have to be dramatic things - like hidden abortion or buried sexual abuse or depression or suicidal teenagers. But that's not the case. I mean, sure, those things DO exist and certainly classify as something that might be hidden and lurking under the surface of apparently-smooth waters. But it doesn't HAVE to be so extreme.
Sometimes it's just a longstanding offense. Maybe it's just differences in communication and personality, which might lead to expectations that aren't met, which then leads to frustration and bitterness, and that leads to walls being built.
Someday, as believers, we WILL have perfect relationships in heaven. Someday we WILL be free of the walls that hide us from each other and break up the communion. But maybe the point isn't for us to wait for that to happen in heaven. Maybe the point is to be a part of bringing God's Kingdom to earth and living in the reality of that. Maybe the point is to acknowledge that there is work that needs to be done in our relationships, step up to the plate, and endure through the dust and dirt and grime.
I told my sister today that God is perfectly capable of restoring relationships - and, in fact, he LONGS to do it, because God is all ABOUT relationships! It's the essence of his nature. He's a relational God. - God is also capable of packing my bag when I leave to go on a trip, but that doesn't mean he'll do it. Just because he's CAPABLE doesn't make him obligated. Maybe he wants ME to pack my bag so I can learn to take responsibility for what I choose to put in there and not put in there. Maybe he wants me to exercise my free will to do what needs to be done.
Maybe it's the same with relationships. Maybe, even though God is perfectly capable of restoring the relationships, maybe he wants us to exercise our free will and take responsibility for living out those relationships in the manner that he would if he were the one living in us. Maybe he wants us to do that because he DOES live in us, and he wants us to learn to live in the same way he lives.
Maybe, when we're frustrated and upset and being bitter about something, we need to take a step back to see why we are, and evaluate if maybe we're setting expectations of someone that isn't the expectations God would be setting of them if he was the one setting our expectations.
Maybe that would go a long ways toward resolving the issues in my family. And in your family. And in our world. And maybe it would cause people to see the love of God that much more easily and show them why following Jesus is worth it.
Help me live my life as you would, Jesus. I want to love people as fully and completely as you did, and I want to love you as fully and completely as you love me. Help me keep my expectations on you and not on the people around me. Give me strength to keep trying, keep attempting to tear down walls, keep humbling myself and confessing my sin of unreasonable expectations and unwarranted offense toward people I love. Make me a conduit of your love and grace and forgiveness.
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